Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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