i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
