I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
How's work?
Spinning.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
