i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
