I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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