I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
operation have a gay friend backfired
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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