Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
