At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
