I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
