If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
