so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
