Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Congratulations! We have a period
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
