there's paper in my vomit.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
