i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
