it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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