Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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