I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
