You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
