I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
