i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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