hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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