3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
