How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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