I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
