she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
