mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
