The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
