HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
