On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
