TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
