Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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