I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
