hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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