those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
