i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
