Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
