is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
