I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
sex in a hospital.. check
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
