the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
