So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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