it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
