I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
