I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
