I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
