I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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