just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
