C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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