You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
