I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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