hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
